Growing up, my father told me to learn to "bite your tongue." I never understood what it meant until I was much older and had disagreements with my mother and husband frequently. Two strategies I learned to use when I attempt to soften the disagreements. First, I had to learn to allow mom or my husband to express their opinions and thoughts even though I knew they were misinformed at times. Second, I learned that sometimes it is better to not continue the debate until we all have clear minds to continue. I would like to add a third strategy, which is easier to say than to do. The third strategy is to apologize and accept the blame, especially when it is not even your fault or when you did not have anything to do with it. This is the challenging task. I learned that people relieve their anger quickly when I apologize for someone else's mistake without stating or pointing whose fault. In some disagreements, it is better to let it go. In others, it is worth fighting for.
I believe I could gain my skill using NVC and 3R's by applying them more in disagreements with my mother and my husband. I would like to see the results of using these strategies.
I was the child who was constantly getting in trouble and my mom would say "your mouth, your mouth, it always gets you in trouble". I would always say the first thing that came to my mind during a disagreement which for me was always the worse things I could possibly say.
ReplyDeleteYou are right it is important to fully hear what a person is saying before voicing your opinion. Right now, I commend you for being able to apologize for something that is not your fault. I know that is the right thing to do sometimes to eliminate issues but that is a work in progress for me; I am not quite there yet.